Blink, Wobble, Mumble: A genuine apology in three genuine acts

The Peasant had been appointed, through a mysterious turn of events or accident of fate by the people of his village, to a committee which oversees the education of school children.

A Voice does emanate from beyond wonderful sight or vast comprehension of the Peasant.

The Peasant will mistake the Voice for the voice of a god or a devil, so he speaks respectfully with fear that the power of the Voice may attack him in ways he cannot imagine…

ACT ONE

Curtain opens to brightly lit stage and a man, standing center stage holding, in order to hide his face, a picture of a man triumphantly holding a freshly caught fish by the gills.

PEASANT

(Speaking frankly and brusquely as though to fellow peasants)

Seriously they want me to wear purple because five queers committed suicide. The only way im wearin it for them is if they all commit suicide. I cant believe the people of this world have gotten this stupid. We are honoring the fact that they sinned and killed therselves because of their sin. REALLY PEOPLE…I would disown my kids they were gay. They will not be welcome at my home or in my vicinity. I will absolutely run them off. Of course my kids will know better. My kids will have solid christian beliefs.

PEASANT EXITS, STAGE RIGHT

Music swells for a brief triumphant interlude, then stops abruptly

PEASANT ENTERS, STAGE RIGHT. STANDS AT CENTER STAGE AS BEFORE

PEASANT

(Picking up where he left off)

No because being a fag doesn’t give you the right o ruin the rest of our lives. It you get easily offended by being called a fag then don’t tell anyone you are a fag. Keep that shit to yourself. I don’t care how people decide to live their lives. They don’t bother me if they keep it thereselves. It pisses me off though that we make special purple fag day for them. I like that fags can’t procreate. I also enjoy the fact that they often give each other AIDS and die. If you aren’t against it, you might as well be for it.

PEASANT REMAINS ON STAGE WHILE LIGHTS DIM AND STAGE GOES BLACK

CURTAIN

ACT TWO

CURTAIN

Peasant sits alone on a small wooden chair in the center of the stage, bright lights on his face. He is wearing a conservative, casual office ensemble. His hair is plastered inelegantly to his pale, clammy forehead. He sits upright. His face is blank and impassive.

PEASANT

(blinking repeatedly and while stumbling over the pronunciation of common words)

I would

(his head wobbles indistinctly)

I would never

(he looks sideways with eyes down)

my words were unfortunate

(he looks down repeatedly while speaking)

Once again…it was over the top

Once again…I went too far with it

Once again…I don’t believe anyone should commit suicide

VOICE

Do you use words like ‘fag’?

PEASANT

once again…I picked the wrong words to use

once again…my statements were too harsh

once again…I don’t agree with the statements I made

once again…those were made in response to statements made by other people

once again…I’m a big enough man to admit when I am wrong

once again…like I said

VOICE

(Interrupting)

Do think this has been blown out of proportion?

PEASANT

To me, it has. It has gotten out of control. I am going to resign. To help my school once again. All of this has been done in ignorance

VOICE

Would you run off your kids?

PEASANT

I don’t know what I would do yet. Time will tell

ACT THREE

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